A day in Jazzfanz Rookie chat

A Tatermoog and Sirkickyass collaborative production:

CJThug4Life: And then I sunk the game winning basket for the Idaho Stampede and my homies were going nuts. Even all those crazy white guys in idaho, I call them my 'thrilla nillas,' were ready to make me one of those salvation paintings like Melo has. You know, that one of him on the cross and all dat. I drank hypnotiq all night.

Man-sap: That's pretty much the same thing that happened this one time we beat Sacramento state. The crowd practically stormed the court. I felt bad for both Sacramento fans. Those days in the WAC were good times.

HOFFA enters YoungGunz chat room

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R_Brewer enters YoungGunz chat room

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CJThug4Life: Look who finally shows up. Brew-boy, what the dilly? U called this meeting. I thought u was maybe bein a busta and gonna tell the big boss we was all meetin' instead of workin' on our defense and hustle. I ain't goin' back to juvie over this shizzle.

R_Brewer: Sorry guys. It was hard getting out of the ESA. Matt kept throwing himself on the floor in front of me for no reason. He said he was practicing hustling but I think he was just falling over again. And you've never been to juvie, STFU.

HOFFA: HOFFA LOVE IT WHEN MATT DO THAT. MATT SO FUNNY.

CJThug4Life: What's ur 'scuse Raf? I left the pre-draft meeting wit' u. U shoulda been back an hour ago.

HOFFA: HOFFA FORGET PASSWORD AGAIN.

R_Brewer: Dude, your password is "password." We went over this last time. It's the easiest thing possible.

HOFFA: HOFFA REMEMBER, BUT THEN HOFFA KEEP FORGETTING WHAT LETTER HE ON. SCREEN ONLY SHOW DOTS, NOT LETTERS.

Man-Sap: At least he made it in this time. Remember last time when he kept trying to put in his pin number?

FightingIlliniDee: Dag'gum. My momma usedta whip us wit' da belts when we's fool enough to give out dat sort of sensitivity finances material sho nuff.

R_Brewer: Ok guys, we're all here and Hoffa remembered this time so we need to get down to business. We all know the draft is coming up this week and the big guys upstairs are probably going to draft another shooting guard. This is getting silly. First I had to suffer through the indignity of some 6'1" career point guard play ahead of me, then I got no time even when he was missing time in New York, now they're going to bury me on the end of the bench even farther behind some geeky white guy. How do you guys think I should go about getting more minutes?

Man-Sap: That's really why we're here? So you can whine about not being a big enough part of the team. Dude, Sloan even claims to like me and I play just fine when I'm out there and he has still never run a play for me. He even has plays for Jamie Watson in his playbook still.

R_Brewer: Shhhhh! Don't say his name! He might appear.

Man-Sap: I've told you a million times, he's not Beetlejuice!

HOFFA: HOFFA LOVE MICHAEL KEATON!!!11!

FightingIlliniDee: Quitcha bellyachin.' He'll get you all some time if'n when youse good to the system. Maybe work on your shootin' and when you're as good as me he'll put you in the game eh?

CJThug4Life: Dat right there is some all good advice from my man Dee. If you hit more shots then coach'll will play you more.

FightingIlliniDee: Sloan Rocks!

Man-Sap: Yeah, just look at AK. He increased his shooting percentage from last year and he got more playing time AND shots this year. Oh wait....dear god he's never going to run plays for me at this rate.

R_Brewer: Whoa. Wait a second. I have to hit more shots to get more playing time?! I shot 53% this season and 56% when I started. How many more do I have to hit? All of them? What did you guys shoot this season? I know CJ started almost as many games as I did and Dee got way more minutes down the strech.

CJThug4Life: But you don't got range boy! I can make it rain from outside.

FightingIlliniDee: I was Big 10 player of the year in college sho nuff. Even when I miss, I miss right. Coach takes a gander at me and says "Is you is or is you aint a big time shooter" and I look at 'em and says "I is."

R_Brewer: Bruce Weber really taught you how to talk man. But this shooting thing can't possibly be the answer. I mean, I know I can't shoot the three but at least I'm not just jacking them up there to miss everything like Fisher or AK. If anything I'm practicing good shot selection. I mean CJ got almost as many starts as I did and he shot 34% from the field and 22% from 3 and Dee shot 33% from the field and 21% from three.

FightingIlliniDee: That's only if you count the first 3 months of the season. Everyone knows all dem shots I missed back then don't count a lick. Not statistically significant or some such nonsense. Since then my shot's been smoother than butter on my mammy's home-made grits.

Man-Sap: You guys got to shoot! I practically had to grab offensive rebounds out of my teammates hands if I wanted to shoot!

HOFFA: HOFFA TRY GRABBING REBOUND FROM SOMEONE'S HAND ONCE IN HIGH SCHOOL. HOFFA TAKE HANDS INSTEAD OF BALL. HOFFA STILL NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER STATE OF MONTANA.

CJThug4Life: Maybe u should just try and dazzle him wit' ur athleticism like urs truly. I got drafted by doing a cross-over while wearing my platinum fronts and decked out in Fubu with some Air Jordan III's.

Kris Humphries enters YoungGunz chat room

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Kris Humphries: Anyone want to look at my free pics? Go to my website at http://www.cammanwhores.com/FJ1283 !

HOFFA: HOFFA BE BACK LATER

Hoffa exits the room

Kris Humprhies kicked from room by moderator. Reason: Spam

FightingIlliniDee: His momma oughtta be ashamed of him, carryin' on in public like that. Especially after he done publicly got ridda that Amaechi fella last month.

R_Brewer: CJ you're 6'6" 210 pounds. I'm 6'7" 217 pounds. If anything I'm faster and more experienced than you. How in the hell am I supposed to convince coach I'm more athletic than you when we practically have the same body?

CJThug4Life: Day-um Son! Maybe talk to D-Rock! That guy just shows the big boss his bling on his finger and gets a job.

Man-Sap: I don't envy you guys at all. I may have it rough but at least there isn't a big log-jam at the 3 and the 4 on this team like you guys have. I only have AK, Boozer, and Harpring in front of me.

R_Brewer: Actually I think they want me to play 3 now.

Man-Sap: Maybe they'll draw up one new play and we can share it.

Deron Williams enters YoungGunz chat room

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CJThug4Life: Da Man hisself returns!

Deron Williams: Oh geez. How'd I end up in YoungGunz? I ain't been here for ages.

R_Brewer: Yo D! How'd you get the tractor man to give you a chance? I'm racking my brain here.

FightingIllinisDee: My down-home brother returns to visit lowliest ol' me. His ever-faithful Dee.

Deron Williams: Yeah, Dee. That's exactly what's going on here.

Deron Williams: I'm not sure what happened. I think I could have done pretty much all the same stuff the year before dude but suddenly Jerry started playing me. I think Larry's funny elbow took a liking to me or something.

R_Brewer: Bribing the owner eh? That's a thought. What should I bribe him with though? Is it Larry or Frank Layden that likes to drink gravy straight? I can never remember.

Man-Sap: I think that's Larry. Layden likes to eat butter by the stick.

Morris Almond enters YoungGunz chat room

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Deron Williams: Oh geez. This guy's been following me around all day. He's like a puppy that comes home with you no matter how many times you kick it. I'm out guys.

Deron Williams moves to SaltLakeSnatch room

Morris Almond: Hey guys! I just wanted to let you know that playing for the Jazz would be a dream come true! I really want to be just like Matt Harpring!

R_Brewer: Did you say the same thing, but about Brian Scalabrine in the Boston chat room last night?

Morris Almond: Well yeah, but I really meant it here.

Man-Sap: Wait, didn't you say that same thing about a dream come true about Phoenix last week too?

Morris Almond: But I meant a nightmare there and I meant a cool dream, like that one I always have about Jessica Alba, here.

FightingIllinisDee: I done had dat dere same dream, but wit Star Jones bout a fortnight ago. That's a woman wit a fine set of gams.

Morris Almond kicked from room by moderator. Reason: Suck-up

CJThug4Life: Why y'all give him the URL again? Now I gotta get my boyz to change where this chat is again. My entourage got limited time you know.

Man-Sap: Look Ronnie, I think the only thing I've learned about dealing with Sloan is that he is what he is and you just gotta deal with him. There really isn't much of anything you can do regardless of how good you are to get him to play you. Sometimes you get lucky and you're Jarron Collins, and sometimes you're well....you. Of course just cause you play doesn't mean he actually runs plays for you.

DeereTractorLuvr enters the room

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R_Brewer: I told you guys! That was the third time we say his name and then suddenly he just shows up!

DeereTractorLuvr: All you get in bed. It's past curfew. I don't care if its the offseason. Unless you're farming, eating, sleeping, or hustling you're not being productive.

Man_Sap exits the room

CJThug4Life exits the room

FightingIlliniDee exists the room

R_Brewer: Coach, as long as we're in here alone I thought maybe I would ask a question. I really want to contribute. What do I have to do to make myself a better player and earn more time?

DeereTractorLuvr: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?