So, what is it HS does when it needs content without substance? It liveblogs. And tonight, I sit, pen in hand, to liveblog Team USA against Argentina until I'm too sleepy to proceed. Which will hopefully be soon.
So why do I do this? Well, as has been obvious to Jazz fans, the key to Team USA's success has been Deron Williams. To quote Ross Siler from the SLTrib Blog, "Williams finished with eight points, seven assists and three fouls in 13 minutes, making all four shots he took. The U.S. outscored Puerto Rico by 21 points in the short time that Williams played, which has to say something about his game."
21 points, ladies and gentlemen. That says something.
The Deron Williams Experience must be...well...experienced.
Dammit.
-I regret to inform the HS Reader that "Water Moccasins" has been replaced as a cliche by "SWAN!" Please update your Rolodex.
-Tonight's opponent is Argentina. In case you did not know, Argentina is located--according to Miss Teen South Carolina--"somewhere between Columbile and Gaspacho."
-Wow. Should I be disturbed that Miss Teen South Carolina--aged 17--has this picture on her official website?
From the producers of Miss Teen USA: "These women are savvy, goal-oriented and aware. The contestants who become part of the Miss Universe Organization display those characteristics in their everyday lives, both as individuals who participate in the competitions to advance their careers, personal and humanitarian goals, and as women who seek to improve the lives of others. "Certainly looks like they're setting them on the path to improve the lives of others, all right.
-Meet Team USA!
Jason Kidd: domestic violence
LeBron James: self-aggrandizing marketing tool
Kobe Bryant: possible rapist, team cancer
Carmelo Anthony: appears in drug dealers' DVDs, Utah Jazz fans know more
Deron Williams: accused in sex trial, Torrey Ellis
Michael Redd: bought father church
Go team go!
-Bill Walton already in fine form. I can't wait for him to read the Wikipedia entry for "Argentina"out loud during the second quarter.
-YB and Pearl are currently arguing the relative merits of Rachel Ray and Giada de Laurentiis in Secret Chat. WHAT ABOUT TEAM USA? THIS STUFF MATTERS.
-David Stern sitting next to Jerry Colangelo. Can't see who's sitting on his right. I suspect the following:
-I'm shocked--shocked!--that Carmelo shot the ball after his first touch. And second.
-Jason Kidd just jumped from out of bounds and tapped a ball going out of bounds into the playing area. No whistle.
Even Donaghy is upset.
OK, no more of that.
-Jason Kidd with a fastbreak. Wait...what's a fastbreak? I watch the Jazz.
-Did Bill Walton just reference Bonzi Wells' veteran leadership? If the Rockets follow his leadership, there'll be no Rockets. They'll have all left the team for possibly "disrupting team chemistry."
-'Melo, three touches, three shots. And to think, Harpring wasn't invited to join the team.
Of course, he works so hard he could get four shots on three touches.
-Apparently, most of the Argentines have taken a Nazarene vow.
-Is it just me, or has Kidd gotten whiter as time has progressed? He's almost translucent now.
-I think Mike Miller's gradually feminized hairdo is intended to mirror his game's progression to WNBA level.
"Hey, the ball. Let's shoot an outside jumper!"
57 WNBA fans: "Ooh, how fundamentally sound!"
-I suspect the old Dream Team could beat Team USA. Right now. No need for time travel.
-One of the Argentinian guys should probably figure out it's not a good idea to try and flop in the opposite direction of the impact.
-I remain stunned that Team USA has Tyson Chandler, Tayshaun Prince, and Mike Miller. I wonder how Chandler feels about taking the Christian Laettner role.
-Billups just baldwined a fastbreak.
-Bill Walton taking the opportunity to plug "The Eleventh Hour," Leo DiCaprio's lovefest for the Earth. You could get a contact high shaking hands with the man.
-As actors continue to create important projects on ecology and the environment, I wonder why they never made an action movie with Robert H. MacArthur as the lead actor.
-End of first quarter, 28-13 USA. I just realized I've actually not watched more than two or three plays.
Best liveblog ever.
SWAN!
-Walton is finally busting open the Wikipedia entry. I should have edited "Carmelo Anthony sucks at basketball and life" in the middle of the section on "Origin of Name."
-Bill Walton accurately laments the prevalence of war in South America. Then starts his next sentence, "if you want to learn more, check out the Jack Lemmon movie..."
That's true of many things in life.
-I love it when basketball players reference prior basketball players with a move. For example, Dwight Howard's dunk brick was highly reminiscent of Lisa Leslie.
Jeez, the WNBA hate just comes out when I get sleepy. Or awake.
-'Melo just hammered a dunk on top of the entire Argentinian team. The message is clear.
"Argentina: Stop Snitchin'"
-I think Carmelo's just going to sit under the basket for the rest of the game and bask in himself.
-Bill Walton's Announcing Buddy: "Alonzo's ALWAYS doing something nice in Miami." Bill Walton: "They need to name some Citizenship Award after Alonzo.
Let's let Toronto and New Jersey decide what to name it.
-The following is not content. It is only intended to get my fellow bloggers to leave the picture of the 17-year-old and scroll further down the page:
Thank you for your patience.-Amare with the quintuple-fake, also known as the Matt.
-Hey, Joaquim Phoenix plays for Argentina! I loved you in The Village! Yeah, I had no idea that was all happening in the present day! That Shyalaman, tricky devil!
-Where in the world is Deron Williams? And how could Team USA have a +21 differential without him? Ross Siler, save us!
-Why is it that any time I see a guy bank in a shot I'm supposed to treat it as some miraculous and hilarious happening? The next time I see a guy bank in a shot and the announcers don't discuss whether he "called" it will be a first.
-DERON WILLIAMS IS IN! TO DWIGHT HOWARD FOR A DUNK! REPENT!
REPENT!
-DERON WILLIAMS JUST HAD A REBOUND BOUNCE OFF HIS FACE! SIN MORE!
SIN MORE!
-Hehehe, that commercial had a man getting hit in the groin.
-Wow, the FIBA logo looks like Rainbow Brite vomited.
-I'm exhausted after watching the energy level with D-Will in the game. Night.
5 comments:
How does such as South Africa and the Iraq feel about that?
We have a blog?
Purty hard to hacky-sack an elephant when all the cards are in the deck, eh? When I was a chile, my momma says to me, she says, "Ain't, don't you let nobody tell ya that ya ain't a Bill Walton." Ya figure?
Good to see the return of Live Blog. Good stuff.
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