The Deron Williams Debacle and jazz blog round-up

Despite the fact that the Harpring Sucks writing staff has long been relatively in ageement with one another on how we feel about most issues facing the Jazz (i.e. Harpring Sucks, Sloan is borderline senile, Boozer's forehead acne is funny, etc.) we are finally facing a major area where there's a substantial amount of disagreement: Is Deron Williams a good point guard?

I know, for the Jazz faithful the fact that this is even questioned is shocking and bordering on blasphemous. Despite this our own tatermoog and Capt. Sig are taking a run at the "contrarian of the year" award by arguing that he's a "chucker" and is always looking for his own shot first. As Sig argued while letting out the sails to puff himself up, "he's a great player, just not a good point guard." The arguments I've heard against Deron are as follows:

Claim 1. "When he hasn't shot on offense 3 or 4 times in a row, you can just tell he's going to put it up."

Status: True, at least on average.

Deron Williams takes 16.8 shots per game for the jazz this season and plays slightly more than 75% of the game. The Jazz as a team take 83.5 shots per game, which means (assuming pace of the game is constant when Williams is in and when he is out of the game) that Williams is on court for an average of 64 offensive possessions that end in a field goal attempt. This means Deron is taking one shot for every 3.8 shots attempted by the Jazz while he is on the floor. That does seem like a staggeringly high percentage of shots taken for a point guard. By comparison, the Utah Jazz gold standard for point guards, John Stockton, took one shot for every 5.2 shots on the floor in the year in which he attempted the most field goals. The first year the Jazz made the NBA finals, Stockton took one shot for every 6. In both those seasons Stockton's field goal percentage was above 50% and consequently comparable to Deron's current shooting percentage, nullifying any argument centering around the notion that "Deron should shoot because he's hitting them."

Claim 2. "He's a chucker, takes way too many shots and isn't looking to pass."

Status: False

Deron's FGA/A (1.8) ratio is very comparable to other elite NBA point guards like Steve Nash (1.89), Baron Davis (1.72), Chauncy Billups (1.78) and substantially better than a number of guards such as Tony Parker or Gilbert Arenas. The only guards who have noticably much lower FGA/A ratios are Chris Paul and Jason Kidd. Saying "he's not one of the top two" isn't exactly a damning argument against Deron.

Claim 3. Capt. Sig. made the claim "I know he's not a good point guard because I've been watching basketball for 35 years."

Status: Ridiculous.

Sounds a lot like "I know Harpring is a good player because I appreciate good basketball" to me. If I ever have children I'm going to fine them allowance money if they ever say something as unsupportable as that. For making such an argument I award Capt. Sig. one whammy.

Needless to say, I think tater and the pearl are trying too hard. Deron shoots a lot but he distributes enough and shoots at a high enough percentage that it doesn't seem to indicate he's affirmative hurting the team. Maybe in 3 to 5 months Capt. Sig. will write an article defending his position, he should be due to write something by then.

Old News: Annie Whittaker bemoans the fact that travelling isn't called often enough in the NBA. Next she'll be telling us about this new fangled contraption called the three point line (which actually would be news to Jerry Sloan's defensive schemes) and informing us that you're allowed to draft black players now.

Bad Math: Laurie Nyland blames the Jazz loss to the Rockets on the Jazz missing nine free throws. Of course the Jazz lost by 11. Must have taken math from Jackie Corbridge.

All-Star game bashing, already?: Cameron Hansen argues that the All-Star game features low quality play. You mean players don't play hard when the game doesn't count? I'm stunned. Next he'll be telling us that players sometimes don't try their hardest on losing teams that are out of contention or in pre-season games. I know that in school I've always tried my hardest on ungraded assignments.

On the positive side, he includes this classic picture where Carlos Boozer reveals a strong affinity for Miami Vice. Harpring Sucks' crack investigative team is currently attempting to determine if he was Crockett or Tubbs for Halloween.

Blatant attempt for the "awwww factor": Not content with relying on 4th and 6th graders to provide meaninglessly cute moments, Jazzbots is now openly soliciting pictures of babies to be put on the site each week. Harpring Sucks anxiously awaits the announcement that the team is seeking picutres of ultrasounds.

Overcompensating much?: After the first Jazz loss, Jazzbots suddenly got a new writer: the director of marketing. His message: "Don't panic! It's only one loss." Just imagine what will happen if the Jazz actually start losing lots of games. With that kind of focus on keeping the public confident in the team, Larry Miller might start making Boozer and Kirilenko start selling tickets door to door like girl scouts.

An unrelated football aside: I've never actually been much of a football fan but it was a lot of fun watching the Patriots-Colts game yesterday with a crowd of law students that were generally very anti-Patriots. The most common complaints seemed to be of the "Brady's hair looks too perfect," "I'm so angry Brady sleeps with supermodels," "He keeps throwing to Randy Moss, that's not even fair," and "They're so arrogant" ilk. The Madame and I gleefully staked out our position as rooting for the Patriots on the basis that everyone had cast the game as a battle of good vs. evil and it's always more fun rooting for evil. We were disappointed in only three things.

#1. They really need to have an option for broadcasts where you can do a picture-in-picture screen with a camera that only focuses on Bill Bellichick. His reactions to every play that doesn't go perfectly are priceless. I estimate that I would pay upwards of $50 personally for this feature every year.

#2. Stephen Jackson should have played football. In a sport where routine tackles lead to a "scream, flex, dance, and kiss bicep" routine, I can only imagine what sort of trouble a guy like Jackson could get up to. Furthermore, the Madame and I want the touchdown dance tradition to be transferred to baseball. I won't be satisfied until there's a dance so elaborate that a home-run trot takes at least 3 minutes.

#3. When did Bellichick start dressing respectably? He looked like one of my father's engineering firm friends in his pressed polo. Besides the fact that Bellichick's classic look should never be modified, because who doesn't love this look?,

any time Bellicheck wears something nice it needs to be horribly wrinkled. As a future rule, any polo worn by Bellicheck should be at the bottom of his closet for a minimum of one month.

Non-Sequitur Blogoetry: I challenge anyone to decode or make sense of this poem. I'll even offer a prize. If you can advance any potential meaning of this poem, tatermoog will come to your house and cook you dinner.

Needed updates: Our sister site Retire Sloan updated....oh wait, that was in June.

Bill Simmons' Inconsistent on Jazz predictions: Basketball John points out that Bill Simmons has given contradictory positions on the Jazz fate for the current season. Next he'll be telling us that he overrates Boston players and teams. While Simmons is entertaining I don't think anyone would accuse him of being horribly consistent in his opinions. The number of times he flipped on Drew Bledsoe has been truly incredible.

Back on Thursday with a discussion of the issues facing our times: Rosie O'Donnell reportedly joining MSNBC and the decline of the Price is Right.

The VCR

It sits there on the shelf, blinking. Blinking. Blinking.

There really is no use for it. All of the tapes have either been sold at a yard sale or boxed up and put somewhere. Movies are now watched on shinier, sleeker, easier to use DVD's. If you want to record a show, the Tivo is there for you. So why won't you get rid of that blinking VCR? Because some day, it might be of use.

The Jazz have a VCR. The problem is they actually use it. Matt Harpring is The VCR.

Oh, sure, there will be times where the VCR is useful. There is the time that you use it to convert your old home movies to your computer so you can burn them onto a DVD. There is the time you "stumble" upon the old stash of Ginger Allen or Christy Canyon's best work. Yes, you will use the VCR for those few and far between times.

The Jazz feel they have to use The VCR all the time. It doesn't matter that they have shiny gadgets that have pretty much rendered The VCR obsolete. The three man rotation of Andrei Kirilenko, Ronnie Brewer, and Paul Millsap has not only made The VCR obsolete, they have rendered him useless. And yet he still gets used. I know what you are thinking: "But YB, he saved the Jazz last night with his performance in the first quarter." That was little more than burning the 1993 All Star Game to the computer. The Jazz could shelve The VCR and not miss a thing.

The Warriors were playing the second game of a back to back. Many of their players had played huge minutes the night before. They had no chance of beating the Jazz. None. Yet there was a big deal made out of The VCR's use.

When The VCR is used, time stands still. The game slows down. He moves back and forth like a TV screen playing an old movie that needs to have its tracking adjusted. I often wonder if his knee has old tangled VHS tape in it rather than scar tissue. But he is out there every night. Blinking. Blinking. Blinking. Instead of blinking "12:00", he blinks "WOOT!", "WOOT!", "WOOT!"

It is time for the Jazz to show the old man how to use his DVD player. How to use his DVR. And how to use his computer. Unplug and shelve The VCR. Donate it. Do something with it. Learn that it is no longer of use.

Capt Sig: 4th Quarter Randomness

Yes I am back. Not by choice but I can't stand Tatermoog's boobing about the conditions on the deck.


Disclaimer: I suck at intranets blogging.


The positive is the possibility unfolding that the Jazz could blow this game. That is always a good thing for Harpringsucks.com. It also appears Harpring is leading the Warriors come back.

"Chicks Dig Fur"! Good to see The BEAR give a shout out to the Wasatch Front lesbian community. There are no divisions when it comes to the Jazz. We all like fur.

Nice haircut Matt. Didn't know he flew to Paris Island to receive the 'high and tight."

I am very impressed with Boozer's off-season program. Proactive really does work.

Milsap down, Harpring winks at Secretariat in the player's "significant other" section.

Whenever I look at Baron it just seems he should be playing sax in some LA night club.

Warriors cut the lead to 9. AK gathers splinters. Plastic splinters.


Commercial break.


Little Sig had his black belt test today. Puked on lap 5 of the two mile run.

Matt is out of the game. Harpringsucks.com always feels empty when Matty heads to the bench.

Williams hits a jumper. A new twist to the Jazz offense.

Hmm, the next time you read any ESPN experts, just remember Chad Ford had Patty O'Bryant rated as the #1 pick.

Did Bolerhands just say "Mema" Okur?

The back of Joey Harrington's head looks like Plumber's Butt.

I don't see the big deal about Deron tonight. I could school Kenny G.

I love the NBA and the players it creates. Harrington is on fire, having one heck of a night. He makes a great play and celebrates. Totally oblivous that his team is down by 11. I think a great new NBA fan friendly innovation is to suddenly stop games and ask players:

1. The score
2. Their teammates currently on the floor
3. How many shots they have taken.

It has been so long between Williams's passes that it now appears he has regressed to Harpring passing capabilities.

Come on BARON. YOU CAN'T MATCH DWIL NOTE FOR NOTE!!!!

SWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

A somewhat terrible night for harpringsucks.com. Little Harp playing time. Williams making everything, and the Jazz winning. The only thing left to look forward to is YB's ESA snatch report.

time to give AK a shot

Ak for 3

the uptimism is out of control.

That reminded of the time we let the retarded kid bat in little league.

Mansap in with 34 seconds. Time for 3 shot attempts.

Camera shot of Giricek. Subway sub of the Game. Time to reward himself with a new Prada handbag.

Jazz win. Deron with a Quad 4 and Octagonal Double 4x4. Boler will double shave his hands and splash on some lotion on after this game.

AK 3-4 from outside the paint. AK and Horny are going to celebrate by a 7 hour marathon session of Pac Man and Atari pong.

Am I done yet?

GS/UTA: Third Quarter

-Now comes the horrifying realization we've committed to liveblogging a crappy game. This is similar to my experience halfway through Transformers.

"In fifty years, don’t you want to be able to say you had the courage to get in the car?"

By the way, I don't recall anyone at my high school looking like Megan Fox.

-AGH! The Wendover Fun commercial just said the next four shows are Joan Rivers, Wayne Newton, Styx, and Carlos Mencia! It's frickin' Dante's Inferno II: The Lounge.

-Gordan Giricek with 12 points, Harpring with 8 tough points. Advantage: Harpring.

-Is there a more awkward dribbler in the league than Memo? I'm asking. Seriously.

-Jazz open up a 23-point lead. And to think, we lost Fisher's veteran leadership.

-Apparently the Jazz are using an image of AK dribbling as an advertisement for the team. I guess it constitutes more touches in some fashion.

-Jazz 8-10 from 3. That's kinda surprising.

Did you hear, Mr. Chipmunk?

-Wow, there's now a lithograph with Stockton and Malone passing the torch to Deron and Carlos. I'm sure there's an apology by LHM on the back for Deron only being half-white.

-Ronnie Brewer just hit a layup with no double-clutch. It is possible.

-Harpring in for AK. That's a tough substitution.

-Missed Inbounds Attempt for Harpring. Strange, he's usually such a fine passer.

-Warriors have cut it to 15 after the entry of Harpring. Strangely enough, Boler and Boone aren't relating the decreasing deficit to the toughness of Harpring.

-Awesome! Harpring defense! His opponent gets the ball, and Harpring CUTS TO THE BASKET. What in blazes? Needless to say, Barnes 3-pointer, Jazz now up 11.

-Someone should tell Harpring the baseline marks "out of bounds."

-*points to blog title* Fisher gave us doubts, but...thank you, Matt.

-Boler: "Monta Ellis, quick, shoot...*sound of ball clanging off rim* Airballed it."

-Matt Barnes a bit confused, tries to peg Bolerjack in the face with the basketball instead of passing the ball downcourt. An understandable mistake.

-OK, lead down to 13 in the fourth quarter. Turning this thing over to Sig/Pearl. Harp have mercy on us all.

Golden State @ Utah : Quarter 2

Oh boy. I get to cover 12 minutes of Hart, Collins, Giricek and Miles. You'll have to forgive me if you can't feel the Loudness and Proudness flowing from my keyboard. Tater got to blog AK Appears To Be Running From The KGB, Harpring's Triumphant Entry, and Brewer Hits A Three. Lucky.

And we're back. Boler continues to be impressed by how many shots Harpring can get off. Although, let's be honest. As a fan, looking at this lineup, deciding who I would want to shoot is like deciding which "pasta salad" from Chuck-a-rama I'd like to start my dinner with.

AK blocks with his elbow. Can't he do ANYTHING right?

Millsap with a triple-pump fake under the basket. Amusingly, his team kept running around as if Sap was deciding whether to shoot or to pass. Still on pace for 0 assists this season.

Harpring follow-up MLA (missed layup attempt, for the uninitiated). Booner: "He must be upset with himself." Really? Does the wind get upset with itself for blowing? Is the sun embarrassed for shining?

Boler notices that AK is displaying some "grit". Booner adds that he must have learned that from Harpring. I can't wait until AK masters the art of Stinkeye and Falling. We can only hope that the Master will stick around with the Jazz long enough to impart ALL of his wisdom to the team.

Giricek is a great shooter when he doesn't suck.

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We re-join our blogging heroes, 15 minutes in the future. Sorry about the technical difficulties. But don't despair, I took notes that I will now transcribe:

1) Harrington's head looks like Battier's head that got left on the grill for an extra 10 minutes.

That's all I got. Back to live action.

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I swear, FSN brought in an extra camera just to track Harpring all night. Meanwhile, Giricek is quietly having one of the best nights of his Jazz career, and not even a mention of a potential "double-double" from Boler.

I guess that quarter went better than expected. For the Jazz. And my work here is done.

*high-fives self*

Golden State at Utah: Quarter the First

-Just so you know, I'm taking a break from reading for class to liveblog this game. Here, let me give you a taste of what I'm currently reading:

If there is a bridge between life and mind abstractionists rarely cross it. They feel no need to. They are certain that what lies on the other side is only a reflection of their present position. All too often substantialists prove them right, for when they cross the bridge they generally find what they set out to find, namely, a life that reflected the mind.

/Christopher Morris, Becoming Southern

In other words, there are worse things out there than watching Jason Hart run the break.

-Good Scott, I've missed Boler, shaved hands and all. He's the pretentious uncle that talks out his ass about subjects of which he has no knowledge I never had.

-First double-double reference of the night, game hasn't even started.

-OK, in order, the Jazz game is brought to you by GMC, Toyota, Big O Tires, Geico, and the Worker's Compensation Fund. Sounds like a process.

-Ronnie Price just mentioned he "still sleeps with a basketball some times" and "his girlfriend doesn't like that." I'm more concerned for the basketball.

-Remember The Royal Tenenbaums? Remember how everyone told you that was the greatest movie ever? Remember how you said you thought it seemed well-made but didn't do anything for you? Remember how they then told you you just didn't get the movie? That's how I feel about Deron Williams.
Ha, how delightfully quirky.

-Utah loses the tip, leading 0-0.

-Boozer is trying to play defense by not shifting his feet and instead hopping bunny-like with arms outstretched. Still more effective than Harp.

-AK with a nice move, grabs the ball, pump-fakes, slips, falls into the opponent, and then throws the ball off the bottom of the backboard, and gets called for a travel. Hornacek calls his travel agent, gets tickets back to Phoenix.

-AK with his first jumper of the season. Also with his first confidence.

-AK immediately follows with a lazy TO. Confidence back down to zero. Sloan heaves a sigh of relief.

-Boler with another classic example of strange voice modulation after AK hits a jumper. "That additional work with the...[long pause]...SHOT DOCTOR paying off." I hope he doesn't think he just successfully coined another nickname. After all, it would have to be something like Money Shot Doctor.

-Jazz down 9, 6:35 to go, Timeout. In completely unrelated news, I smell smoke. Be right back.

-OK, the apartment's not on fire. MUST BE THE WARRIORS.

Hahahahaha...Wes Anderson would have thought that was funny.

-Lost my feed for a sec, Bordy's narrating.

‹bordelais8› jazz stand around, bewildered on defense as their opponent keeps launching shots that appear to not be layups

Sounds accurate enough.

-Boxscore says Hart just checked in. I think my IP was just launching a preemptive strike.

-Harpring in.

SWAN!

-DOWN GOES DAVIS.

Matt Harpring just toughed the hell out of him.

-Y'know, I can pretty much do this liveblog without a video feed. Jazz stand around on defense, Harpring's cutting around yelling "woot," baskets are exchanged. And so on and so forth.

-Feed back, first words I hear are (in an admiring tone): "Matt Harpring." Then Boler proceeds to gush man love.

-Boler: *interrupting Boone's Harp love* "And he has attitude!"
Boone: *somewhat dejectedly* "And he has attitude..."
*pause*
"A tough attitude!"

I'm sure there were nods all around.

-Harpring is doing quite well for himself. 5 shots in 3 minutes. Must still be recovering.

-Was going to add another picture making fun of Baron Davis, did a Google Image Search for "eggs in headbands." Nothing good came of it, though somebody knitted some adorable little outfits for some eggs.

-Ronnie Brewer just hit a 3. First, that was unexpected. Second, bet he gets subbed next stoppage in play.

-3 seconds left in the quarter, Harp can shoot two more times.

-29-28, Jazz, and Phase Three of Project Status Quo is initiating. Farewell, AK. Hello, Harp.

Second Verse, Same as the First: LiveBlog One, Intro and Invocation

As part of an ongoing initiative to push the picture of Kathy Bates in a hot tub off the first page, the HarpringSucks Crew has decided to post our first liveblog of the year. At least, as long as Bordy gets done with his kid's birthday party quickly enough. Let's hope he avoided the Dora Chinese Fun Time Pack.

For those of you not in the know, liveblogs provide the HS writers with an opportunity to analyze games as they happen, comment on NBA storylines, type the word "boobs," act like we have actual content on this site, and give the Pearl/Sig a chance to James Joyce his way to associations between "Shane Battier" and "hot dog juice." Keep in mind, the quality of the liveblog is always dependent upon the game (thus the reason I always take the first quarter), so if it isn't funny, the game sucks. Or SJF is the current liveblogger.

The HarpringSucks Game of the Night, of course, is between the Utah Jazz and the Golden State Warriors. The first game between the two gave the Utah Jazz fan hope, suggesting the future of the team might consist of entertaining lineups, an active AK, actual quality playing time for Ronnie Brewer, and little in the way of Matt Harpring.

Of course, then came the second game. Sloan, the passion of the game ignited deep in his withered loins, realized he would need to compete with a much better Houston team. Off the bench came Jason Hart, stalwart warrior. Paul Millsap, out of the game with 3 fouls, was replaced ably by Jarron Collins. Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer, Captain Auras glowing, shot the ball and afterwards waited for the ball to return so they could shoot it again. And Andrei Kirilenko, five shots and minimum contribution stinging, sobbed into a fold of Okur's chins as the team lost an always competitive game. If only there had been some way of stopping T-Mac from driving through an open lane. If only.

So, here we are at the third game of the season. This could be the team's opportunity to show the failure at Houston was a fluke, this is a new team and new concept, things will be different, a Pure Harping Adrenaline Rush.

My guess is probably not.

Water Moccasins.