Monday, March 26, 2007

Postcards from Hell: A Wizards/Jazz LiveBlog

Intro and First Quarter:

500 dollars a month, utilities included. Not a horrible price, especially considering my apartment is within walking distance of the main campus and the library. I assumed one of those utilities would be air-conditioning. I was wrong.

My entire apartment complex is either set on heating or air-conditioning. The problem is, however, that it takes so much effort for a manager to flip the switch that they only do so after at least three people have died of either heat stroke or hypothermia. And, lucky me, only two people have died so far this spring. I may be the third.

The readers, however, deserve an account of the rematch between Gilbert Arenas and the Utah Jazz, and seeing that I’m the only member of this blog willing to add content, I will be that accountant. Therefore, I take pen in hand and bag of cool shredded lettuce in lap to provide the ones and ones of HarpringSucks readers with needed information.

The time? 9:00PM EST.
The temperature? 84 degrees Fahrenheit and steady. Or rising. The shimmering caused by heat rising from the carpet makes it difficult to be precise in my readings.
NBA League Pass Broadband Functionality? Minimal.

Let it begin.

-The Wizards have this faux techno/rock/samba music to intro their television broadcasts. Kind of catchy, but it's no "Be Loud Be Proud."

-The Wizards' broadcasters have killer chemistry. I think they're averaging a 4.5-second pause between traded-off comments. Heck, one of them seems to be averaging a 4.5-second pause between thoughts.

-Why do all broadcasts mention the weather before games start? Is this some throwback to the time when NBA games were played in open-air arenas? I prefer to think they're just trying to torment those in worse weather conditions. In related news, a collection of essays has just coalesced into a tumbleweed and rolled across the floor.

-One of the keys to the game for the Jazz: "Guarding Gil." I just had a Final Fantasy flashback. Nerd Status: Confirmed.

-AK with a wide-open 3-point attempt. He hit rim, I think he's close. Another twenty or so attempts and I bet he hits one.

-8-4, Wizards. Boozer with two fumbled passes and two horrible pass attempts. I think he's trying to steal the starting SG position from Fisher.

-10-8, Wiz, first timeout. The crowd responds with a whimper of approval for their team. I find it shocking and disappointing that the audience can't get behind a team that starts an under-sized SG that hovers around 40% on FG. I'm sure they're just waiting for Team Excitement to enter: Dee, Harp, and Collins.

-Darius Songaila does not look like a Darius Songaila. He looks more like a Johnny Wheat. Or a Billy Cobhorn.

-AK shows signs of life with a fantastic block of an Arenas layup. Harpring in for AK.

-Second timeout, 15-11 Wiz. Team Excitement on the court. Get pumped.

-Team Excitement manages to only lose one point for the remainder of the first quarter. They can chalk that up as a victory.

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