The Dictionary

As the previous post indicates, we here at Harpring Sucks: The Experience have a unique vocabulary. This is not entirely due to our being a racially and ethnically diverse group of members from at least 4 different states. No, this is because Harpring's sucking has gone back a long ways. During the longue durée of Harpring's sucking, we have created certain pieces of shorthand to pack the most criticism possible into the tiniest space necessary. At Harpring Sucks, we are all about efficiency.

In this post, we contributors will relay the unique terms and statistics used by said contributors to analyze Harpring to you, the reader (more than likely said contributors again [ah well]). Though this post will be marked as a tatermoog post, all of the contributors will be involved via editing. With that said, the Dictionary:

MLA: short for Missed Layup Attempt. Generally rated on two axes, Aesthetic Value and Simplicity.
Example: MLA chart.

For example, if Harpring is passed the ball directly under the basket, is wide-open, and misses a straightforward layup, it would chart high in Simplicity but low in Aesthetic Value. If he turns into a double-team and flails a shot at the backboard, falling afterward, it would chart low in Simplicity and high in Aesthetic Value. The Cleveland MLA is the ultimate because it charted high in both categories.

The MLA is also useful in analyzing players according to MLA/6, which is MLAs divided by 6.

FGA/A: Field Goal Attempts per Assist. Made-up stat by Tater that supposedly rates players according to selfishness. A player with a high FGA/A is inclined to shoot before passing, and vice versa. Some have argued that Matt's generally inflated FGA/A numbers are inflated because of his team role, not his mentality. Such persons are wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

"stinkeye": facial expression closely related to the scowl. The stinkeye is generally delivered when a teammate is not performing to fulfill the individual preferences of the deliverer of said stinkeye. Often delivered with arms extended to sides like an upside-down V.

baldwin (v.): to screw up in a highly visible manner, i.e. "Fisher has a 3-on-1 fastbreak and baldwins it by taking it himself." Based on Stephen Baldwin for reasons unknown.

"scramble defense": method of action based on flailing that can be confused for defense by an uneducated observer. Can be used as a cover for defensive inadequacies. Best used when a player is blowing by for an easy layup. Variants include the "pretend-you-were-tripped defense", the "holy-crap-there-was-a-slick-spot-right-there defense" and the "pinwheel defense." Can also be combined with the stinkeye to imply it was another player's fault.