Harp-Tainted Glasses

Some HarpringSucks contributors have suggested that Matt Harpring is the master deceiver. The perfect con artist. An expert illusionist. Unfortunately, I must disagree. I simply can't bring myself to give Harpring that much credit. To what, then, can his curious popularity be attributed? Easy: people are stupid.

Now before you say "hey, wait a minute! I like Harpring, and I'm not stupid!", please, don't be offended. After all, you're in good company. Really, this exercise is for your own good.

The average fan is easily fooled into thinking that certain concepts ("running a lot", "lifting weights", "veteran status") automatically translate into unquestionably positive results. Let's take a look at how Joe Gullible (we'll call him "JG" for short) might view a situation differently than Joe Enlightened (we'll call him, uhh..."Bordy" for lack of a cooler acronym).

JG: "I've read that Harpring has his own weight-lifting routine. He's so fit and muscular."
Bordy: "I'm thinking that if I had muscles like that I'd actually be able to contain a guy half my size on defense. But you're right, they make him look absolutely dreamy."

Bordy: "Poor guy is completely lost and has no clue where his man is."
JG: "Look how he never quits! He's been running non-stop on this sequence!"

Bordy: "I could be wrong, but it kind of looks like he realized -- in mid-shuffle -- that his guy had the ball on the opposite side of the court, and made a last-second desperate diving sprint at him, leaping into the air with hands stretched a full three seconds after the ball had already been released."
JG: "Wow. Did you see the effort on that play?"

Bordy: "Nobody slips screens, effectively throwing his teammates overboard while turning himself into the first option by default quite like Harpring."
JG: "Nobody has the ability to get open quite like Harpring. Also, your sentence was a terrible run-on."

JG: "Look at Matt hustle for that loose ball on the floor!"
Bordy: "Why did Harpring just trip over his own feet, then try to tackle his own teammate at the ankles?"

JG: "Harpring sure hits some big shots."
Bordy: "Now if only he could hit the little ones."

JG: "Oooh, look at that expression on his face. He's on mission out there."
Bordy: "Why is he staring down Kirilenko?"

Bordy: "What is he doing with his hand in the air when he's got two guys on him?"
JG: "Harpring's open!"

I hope this was an educational experience for you. I know I've learned a lot by watching #15. If only others would follow...

Bordy: "This team is in trouble for the next four years"
Larry: "Man! Why didn't we sign him for six?"