Monday, March 26, 2007

Postcards from Hell: The Final Countdown

-I have grown acclimated to the heat. The delirium is beginning to subside. I can now concentrate on both the game and my debate with Willis the Talking Otter.

-Dee Brown is still in the game. I think Sloan is still confused as to when Derek Fisher grew dreadlocks.

-HARP MLA! The central theme of this blog.

-Um. Wow. That was quite a dunk by Boozer. Agent Zero must feel like a real zero now! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

-AK subbed in for Dee Brown. Even trade.

-Hehehe...still laughing at that Agent Zero line. Hehehehehehe...oh, I rule.

-The Jazz Dancers on the court with their patented "slutty-enough-to-be-mildly-interesting-but-not-
slutty-enough-to-offend-Mormon-mores" dance.

-Andrei has a brilliant steal of a pass and then pauses to dribble it for a few seconds. I like to think he's trying to remember what the basketball feels like.

-Milsap would be on pace to foul out three times if he played 48 minutes. Sloan applauds his hard-nosed play.

-Boozer to ball bouncing on rim: "No, get out of there." It's unusual to hear random court talk articulated so clearly. Seemed almost fairy-tale like. "Please, fair ball, I implore you. My livelihood is at stake!"

-Bordy again: "Boozer doing some sort of drill where he shoots layup [sic] from increasingly further distances." I look forward to him winning the game with a 3-point layup.

-The Wizards' announcer has consistently referred to AK as "Carrielinko." I think this is intentional. Especially when he referred to Carla Boozer and Matt "Girl's Name" Harpring.

-If this game goes into overtime, I'll be faced with the decision between the game and the 11:30EST episode of Scrubs. The comic stylings of Zach Braff versus the comic stylings of Jerry Sloan. Choices.

-Milsap is kind enough to foul out to give us Matt Harpring down the stretch. Thank you, Paul.

-Should the Jazz keep going to Boozer in the paint or have him pass to a double-teamed Harpring for an off-balance jumper? Choices.

-Deron baldwins another fast break.

-Boozer yells every time he does anything. *catch ball* "ARGH." *layup attempt* "ARGH." *tears hammy* "ARGH." *tears hammy again* "ARGH." *fakes torn hammy* "ARGH." *swashbuckles* "ARGH."

-Wiz Announcer: "If you stayed up this late, don't go to bed now." Aristotelian logic at work.

-Well, the Jazz just wrapped up all their problems to the sound of a sappy acoustic ballad. Oh wait, I'm watching Scrubs.

-Fisher in for AK. Even trade.

-Fisher hits a three. I think he just earned 500 more minutes on his Utah Jazz Card.

-Etan Thomas with an odd technical foul. Maybe the ref just doesn't like free-verse poetry.

-Neither does Fisher.


-JAZZ WIN JAZZ WIN JAZZ *flips to Scrubs* WIN! Let's see which wrong lessons the Jazz learn from this game:
  • Fisher deserves to be in during the clutch.
  • Dee Brown can perform serviceable spot backup.
  • The team wins when AK doesn't touch the ball in the second half.
  • The team DOES win when Harpring touches the ball in the second half.
I bet we go 4/4.

The sun is down, the temperature has dropped to 80, and the Jazz have a victory. Can life get any better?

Yes. Dear sweet mike, please yes.

1 comment:

AKsWill said...

Harpring was 1/1 from the field in the last 2 minutes of the game..explain..