An Exercise in Media

While this blog is in its fledgling phase--still adorable, even when pooping itself--I would like to take this opportunity to demonstrate the central facet of the Tater Post: over-analyzing innocuous comments in the media.

JAZZ: Harpring is team's 'Energizer bunny'

Oh dear. I didn't hear the Energizer Bunny had two knee surgeries.

Asked to describe his role on the team as Utah's season winds down, Matt Harpring doesn't show any emotion as he envisions he and his teammates making it into the postseason for the first time in three years.
"It's the same as always, come off the bench and provide energy to do what I can to help our team win," he said.
They are words that don't exactly elicit excitement or reveal much about Harpring's character, but that is what those around the Jazz have come to expect from the eight-year pro.

It's a great sign when the media that tends to fondle you once a month can't find much to say for you other than: "Yeah, he's not exciting, but at least we expect it now."

"He's about like that post over there," said Jazz coach Jerry Sloan of Harpring's personality as he nodded toward one of the baskets in Utah's practice facility.

This is possibly the most accurate thing Sloan has ever said about Harpring. In fact, numerous other players have said the same about Harpring, generally as they drive by him near the free throw line.

He's a guy who comes to work, gets his work done, avoids the chatter at the water cooler and leaves without saying much more than "down" when he steps on the elevator. Many of his teammates consider carefree things like music and video games as their hobbies; Harpring's is the stock market. Odd indeed, for a hoopster.

OK, this is a great paragraph for demonstrating the Salt Lake Media's interpretation of Harpring.

• First, it manages to use the word "work" twice in the first 10 words. Matt Harpring and "work" go hand in hand. Because he works hard. And of course, the analogy continues with the water cooler.
• Second, let's think about those people we know that avoid the chatter, don't socialize, and are too arrogant to push the damned elevator button themselves. Basically, this paragraph is politely saying: "Boy, that Matt Harpring sure is an ass."
• Third, has the SL Media mentioned that Harpring plays the stock market? Have they? 'cause I'm not too sure I've heard that.

Hard-working and a bit of a lamer. Yeah, so far this sounds like Harpring.

"He has a different way of getting himself ready to play," said Sloan with a bemused smile on his face. "I dunno, the guy never says anything. He's the same every day."
Luckily, something happens during Harpring's walk from the bench to check in that transforms him from a quiet, easy-to-overlook kind of guy into one of Utah's hardest working players.
He's always cutting, he's always banging, he won't hesitate to dive for a loose ball or crash head-first into a row of fans while trying to keep the ball inbounds.

Did I mention he works hard? Note the fact that he's unafraid to crash head-first into a row of fans while trying to keep the ball inbounds. In fact, most prolonged attempts at ball-handling by Harpring end with him head-first in a row of fans. As do most attempts at defense. As do most attempts at walking.

"As long as he has been here, he has always brought energy," Sloan said. "That has never been a problem with him. As soon as he comes off the bench, he is ready to play and he instantly knows what we're trying to do, knows how to get open and works hard at it."

In case you didn't know, the Jazz had a problem with players coming off the bench that weren't ready to play--Kris Humphries once checked into the game while in street clothes--and not knowing what to do--again, see Kris Humphries. In contrast, Harpring knows how to come in, wave his arms, slide off a screen, miss a layup, and glare at Kirilenko.

Overall, Harpring's numbers are down slightly this year compared to the past. He is averaging 11.1 points and 4.7 rebounds, but his averages are more a product of a better Jazz team than a drop in his game. If anything, Harpring has improved in his role as a bench player, Sloan said.

While other players' drop in production--such as AK--can be attributed to lack of effort, deteriorating skills, or failing to run the offense, this will never ever be the case for Harpring. In five years when he's averaging .6 PPG in 15 minutes, it will be because the Jazz team is the best in the history of man, not because of Harpring.

He has filled in for Andrei Kirilenko when he has struggled and he has played alongside him when the Jazz go toward a smaller lineup, and the spark he brings is most noticeable when it isn't there, such as Utah's last road trip.

What? I mean, seriously. What?

Harpring missed the Cleveland game because of knee inflammation. He returned to the lineup Tuesday and scored eight points in 25 minutes.
"This summer, he didn't have to worry about his knee like he did last year after he had surgery," Sloan said. "Having a veteran player like him makes us very good. We struggled with that back East when we didn't have it."

This is another classic example of SL Media. "Let's see, I just mentioned Harp's knee flaring up. With what should I start the next paragraph? Oh, I know, let's talk about how Sloan thought he was good because he didn't have to worry about his knee." And what is the deal with this mythic Harpringless road trip? He missed one game. Apparently, the team started losing in advance because they knew they would seen be without his spark.

So how does he feel about all that? You guessed it, he barely moves, giving a slight sway, much like a post in a wind, as an answer.

Matt sways hard.

Matt Harpring, ladies and gentlemen, the Utah Jazz Energizer Bunny. He keeps sucking and sucking and sucking...