BlogLive IV: Derek Fisher and the Chamber of Suck

-Buckle up!

-Deron Williams just gave the stinkeye to Paul Millsap after getting stripped. I can't even figure out why that happened.

-Harpring, eager to get in the stinkeye action, does one of his patented flyby shoulder checks on Yao. I'm incredulous it was called a foul, too, Matt.

-Harpring has an obvious offensive foul called, which he responds to with the Mick Jagger hands-on-hips strut. Very sexy.

-AK Interview on the Bench: "Just tweaked ankle a little bit. Had problems with health, but better now, feeling good, and...WATER MOCCASINS!"

-Some lady in the crowd is giving the film-noir death wail with every single made basket by the Rockets. I'd say it's annoying, but, well, I've watched the Jazz for 75+ games. I'm immune to annoying.

-Harpring has been the most effective player in the fourth quarter. In related news, the Jazz are losing 71-65.

-Fisher has not played in the last few minutes. Either Jerry is benching him for his horrible third quarter play, or he's resting him for the stretch run. What do YOU, the audience, think?

*waits*

-Classic Harp. Dances, waves his arms, gives stinkeye, catches ball, dances, turns into double team, airballs, falls down, stands up, scowls, shuffles back upcourt.

-Those of you with "stretch run," congratulations.

-Tracy McGrady has flash of insight, realizes he's being guarded by a midget. Shoots, hits. Jazz switch Harpring to McGrady. Again, Tracy McGrady has flash of insight, realizes he's being guarded by mental midget. Fakes him out, shoots three, is fouled. Ballgame.

-Executive Decision did horribly at the box office, by the way.

-Harp rejected by Chuck Hayes. Rejected by a guy that couldn't even dominate at the college level. By a guy that was the Jarron Collins of the University of Kentucky Wildcats. He's given back every trace of this being a "good game" that he had.

Website title affirmed.

-Hooray, the Impala commercial that combines "Sweet Home Alabama" with some generic rap song, thereby alienating two potential customer bases. Might as well have Imus and Sharpton swapping keys at the end.

-Which players will Sloan blame in the postgame?
A.)Harpring
B.)Fisher
C.)AK
D.)Boozer
E.)Memo

Remember, if you're not sure, C is almost always the best guess.

-It's important to get to the playoffs so the young guys can get experience. Right, Brewer/Miles/Hoffa/Dee? I can't really complain, since 3 out of those 4 suck.

(Jim Grey: "SUCK!")

-Oh, gads, here is where Fisher gives Sloan a positive taste in his mouth. And I could change that sentence to be less grotesque, but I don't think I should.

-This is a good point to plug one of my favorite sites, www.retiresloan.com. A fine site with a fine name.

-AK currently being paid something akin to $5-million per playoff minute.

-Why call a timeout here? I have this sensation Jerry is scribbling a play out furiously and then just writing "8" in the corner.

Boozer: "Coach, we're down 8 with a few seconds to go."
Sloan: "That's why there's an 8, dumbass."

-Deron missed the 8-pointer.

-Jazz down 0-1. But, in the positives:

• Blowing a 9-point halftime lead is probably not even in the Top Ten Collapses for the Jazz this season.
• Fisher shot over 50%, and it's not at all likely that percentage will dip down to his usual 40% over the course of the playoffs.
• AK only had half the opportunities to fail that he did in the regular season with 3 FGA.
• Boozer's acne, if connected the right way, spelled "woot."
• Deron only missed a triple-double by 1 assist and 1 rebound, which would have turned the game into a dreaded Pyrrhic Victory.
• Sloan's gameplan seems sound.
• The Jazz held the Rockets to 39.1% shooting, and they only held the Jazz to 35.6%.
• The rookies got some good experience watching wily veterans Matt Harpring and Derek Fisher play.

In the end, I think we can put this in the "moral victory" category.

Have a lovely night, kids.