Battier misses a three. Both teams scramble for the ball like they're playing Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Fisher MLA. Realizing that missing lay-ups is considered veteran leadership by Jerry.
Announcers blame the MLA on Fisher's bum shoulder. Fisher's agent slips Tim Legler an unmarked envelope full of benjamins.
Deron shoots a fall-away over Skip to My Lou. And-1 league defensive drills tape orders cancelled nation-wide.
Just a second. I need to go buy some RGX bodyspray. This girl in a slip wants to smell me.
ESPN takes a break from the game to show girls in white shirts running through a fountain outside. This would be way hotter if they weren't 9.
Van Gundy whispers something into McGrady's ear. McGrady whispers something into Yao's ear. Ten minutes later Alston is calling the play "Pick and Roll Purple Monkey Dishwasher"
AK has been attending the Matt Harpring school for passing. Reportedly the billing address for his tuition payment was in Houston.
Boozer Acne level upgraded to Orange.
Tim Legler talks about Okur as having a "great body." Orders flowers and chocolates to be sent to the locker room after the game.
Kirilenko runs to the rim on a 3 on 1 fast break Deron looks right at him and throws a no-look to Okur...which he misses. AK refuses to run back and surrenders a McGrady 3. Vegas sets the odds at 10 to 1 that he's pulled in favor of Harpring within 4 minutes.
Yao Ming gets winded after running for 7 minutes of game time. Apparently he's been burning money and huffing the fumes at home.
Collins grabs a deflection for a steal. This is the most productive he's been since Stanford.
Do you ever wonder if Jason Collins and Jarron trade teams every once in awhile?
Boozer is now shooting every shot like he's shooting over Yao. His free throw attempts are flying higher than Lamar Odom.
And Harp is checking in for AK. Stunning.
Harp rubs AK's head as he walks in. Calls him Opie and grins.
Luther Head gets fouled by Deron. Dee Brown looks on from the bench enviously. Roger Powell sleeps softly at home. James Augustine trying to convince hookers he was once a legitimate NCAA player.
3 second defensive violation called against Houston. 3 seconds more defense than Rafer Alston's played all game.
Fisher falls on floor and turns the ball over. Legler says that's why he got three championships in LA.
Legler says that Fisher has been "key to the development of Deron Williams." I don't even have a joke that can top that one.
Fisher shoots an airball. Legler manages not to comment on his hustle.
ESPN has a close-up shot on the one non-white fan in the ESA. NBA Cares about diversity.
Utah has managed to get out to a 21 point lead. Sloan frantically trying to come with a reason not to play Brewer in garbage time.
Fisher takes advantage of a bad Skip to My Lou pass, pumps his fist after a Giricek three like the fate of the earth depends on it.
Uh-oh there's a 21 point lead going into the fourth. My repertoire of jokes doesn't have a ton of options involving the jazz playing well. Time to pass the baton.
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