Monday, May 28, 2007

Quarter 1: In which Deron Williams contracts the ebola virus and becomes a game time decision

Madame Kicky is convinced that Stephen A. Smith talks that way because he's got an "F***ed up face." How that would change his voice I have no idea. I think she's just prejudiced against ugly people. You should have heard all the hateful things she had to say about the Elephant Man.

Stephen A. Smith asks Bruce Bowen if he's a dirty player. Bruce responds by punching him in the face, kicking him in the genitals, pulling his hair, and getting Stephen A. suspended when he complains to the show producer.

They just said Deron Williams is going to play. Madame Kicky is openly rooting for him to puke on the court during play. I'd settle for him retching while Tim Duncan is trying to shoot free throws.

I'm trying to explain the Michael Jordan flu game to Madame Kicky, which led to the following exchange:
Madame Kicky: Did he puke?
Sirkicky: No
Madame Kicky: Then it wasn't the flu!

Is it just me or is Jeff Van Gundy suddenly yelling into the mic all the time too? If he keeps that up he'll lose his voice and won't be able to order his methamphetamine later tonight.

This seems like a good time to mention that Madame Kicky is a hardcore Harry Potter fan. She's addicted to the point that she reads the books while taking a shower, leading to all her copies having interestingly warped pages. Right now she's going ballistic over what she considers bogus internet rumors about things that will supposedly be revealed in the upcoming Harry Potter novel. She's seriously obsessed. There is no doubt in my mind if she could meet Jesus Christ or Albus Dumbledore, Mr. Christ would have to find another friend for the day.

Tim Duncan and Tony Parker display as much lip-synching talent as the rest of the Pussycat Dolls.

Tim Duncan wins the tip and the home crowd bursts into booing. Maybe they showed Eva Longoria on the big screen or something.

Have you ever noticed that whenever they call a foul on Tim Duncan he does the same "hands on head pose" employed repeatedly by Right Said Fred in the "I'm Too Sexy" video?



Okur is now ridiculously gun-shy on offense. If this was baseball he would have been called for about five "shooting-balks" in the last 2 minutes.

Van Gundy says that Williams should have attacked because "he had numbers, you know three on three." I had no idea that was a prime fast break opportunity.

Williams fell on the floor and looked sick. This led to open cheering in our room waiting for Williams to hork. Madame Kicky and were actively chanting "DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!"

Madame Kicky is convinced Deron Williams made the "whoop" noise that people make when they're trying to suppress vomit.

Fisher has returned to form in this game. Usually that's meant as a compliment. I think you all know how we mean it on this website.

Oberto is clearly an offensive genius with the way he just faked out Okur. That's why he's a sure-fire perennial all-star in this league.

ESPN just showed Deron Williams taking "anti-nausea pills" right before the game. The NBA is so making him take a drug test at half-time.

Is anyone legitimately excited about the Fantastic Four sequel? I don't remember talking to anyone who thought the first one was awesome. I figured there'd be as much demand for this as for, say Gigli 2.

I like how much is being made of Gregg Popovich saying nothing to his team after Game 3 as if this is some great bit of coaching. Sounds to me like he's a kid giving his friends the silent treatment.

Williams sits on the bench. I'm just stunned they're not hooking him up to an IV while he's sitting down for theatrical purposes.

Collins and Ginobili just had some kind of flop-fight. They both fell over by barely making any contact. That was kind of entertaining.

JVG is openly calling the Collins-Ginobili fight a "flop off." This sounds like something they should do at the all-star game to me.

Fisher comes out of the game and Giricek immediately hits a shot. Maybe the 129th time that's happened this season will finally convince Sloan to start a real shooting guard at shooting guard.

Madame Kicky has decided the spurs are boring and is openly reading a "for mature readers only" comic book, thus proving that smut is more fun than sports (which explains why bordelais7 hasn't posted inawhile and JohnDeereJerry hasn't posted ever, they're otherwise occupied.)

ESPN interrupts the gam to confirm that they will, in fact, show more Roger Clemens minor-league pitches on Sportscenter tonight than basketball plays. Priorities guys, priorities!

Gregg Popovich has decided to go with no tie and that weird white and pink shirt combo again. I'm convinced he only brought one change of clothes to Salt Lake City.

Michael Finley gets slapped in the face, is arguably prettier!

Deron Williams hits a three/infects Jacque Vaughn with bubonic plague. The crowd cheers.

In accordance with Title VII, the Federal Government has advised me our token female must blog the second quarter. Enjoy!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hearing JVG call out Harping for his "help" defense, where just leaves his man wide open was music to my ears