Live Blog 2: Die Harder!!!

I'm confused by this rogaine foam commercial that featured a man flossing his teeth. Apparently he wants to grow hair in his mouth.

Clyde Drexler giving a seductive gaze onto the court while calling the game for the local Rockets station.

Elvin Hayes was just shown. I swear to god he could be related to Joe Dumars.

Hakeem Olajuwon is in the house, and wearing a garish yellow shirt. He really looks like a 7' tall banana.

Collins thought about taking a shot for at least 10 seconds from 19 feet out. Thought better of it.

Man-sap just fell over right on his stomach and groaned loudly. That could only have been funnier if he had gigantic red shoes and a nose that honks when pressed.

Juwan Howard seems to be stuck in perma "mouth open scowl" mode when he's playing. I think he's auditioning for a nasal strip sponsorship by breathing out of his mouth at all times to establish his "before treatment" credibility.

AK just posted someone up. They fell over when defending him. I can only imagine they slipped on some strategically placed tears.

McGrady cements his playoff reputation by missing a wide-open three. Regrets the "it's all on me" comments prior to the series beginning.

Time out is called. Harpring shoots anyway.

A moment of silence was given for Stockton's momentous shot. I feel like I've gone to my Happy Gilmore-esque Happy Place for a few moments.

Harpring's on the floor. Shooter McGavin is now kissing Grandma.

Jazz up 40-24. Dee Brown and Arujao are starting to get ready to play the 4th quarter.

Van Gundy attempts to stop Deron Williams by bringing in Rafer Alston. Apprently he had his memory of the first 6 games deleted Total Recall style.

McGrady limping around with an ankle "injury." Establishing alibi for post-game press conference.

TNT resorting to running "The Closer" promos in the bottom left corner during the game. My interest level is still somehow not increased.

I just want to take the time to point out I'm watching the game on pirated cable right now. Even if we lose, I think I can claim a moral victory.

Lady Kicky has pointed out I'm also posting using pirated internet. I don't even think I have to shower anymore to feel good about myself and my theft ethic.

The announcing team is pointing out the Jazz always take on "Sloan's personality." That explains the sudden proliferation of John Deere tractors in Istanbul and Moscow.

Harpring gives a vacant-eyed stare from the bench. I can't tell if he's sad at his own ineffectiveness or if he just has a stubborn gas bubble.

McGrady is in full pout mode. Kerr claims it's because his team is getting outhustled. He's apparently unaware that Harpring is on the bench right now.

The Rockets are hitting three pointers to get themselves back in the game. This is totally stunning. All this time I thought Sloan made it a priority to guard the perimeter.



Craig Sager vaguely reminds me of Harvard's debate coach. They both share Liberace's fashion sense and sport a creepy "pedo-smile."

Boozer is reportedly furious; making his face even redder than normal.

Alston came scary close on the last shot of the game.

Utah leading at the half for the 7th time in a row. We all know that's made a difference the last 3 games in Houston.

Sager refers to Boozer as having "unleashed a dunking explosion." Then talks about the powder blue uniforms. Somehow aggressive play and powder blue seem inconsistent. Not surprising Sags likes the color though.

Turning it over to Tater for the second half. Assuming of course he can pry himself away from Frida on the Independant Film Channel.