Quarter 1: the post-draft show

Congratulations to the Boston Celtics, I'm sure you'll get a great player at number 5.

The biggest lottery loser (besides Boston): the Utah Jazz. Anyone else think that with Oden and Durant likely going to Portland and Seattle that the Northwest division is suddenly one of the toughest in basketball? So much for a Utah dynasty in the division.

Is anyone else vaguely disappointed Isiah wasn't involved in the lottery process? We've totally been robbed of our opportunity to see Aaron Gray go #1 or something.

Everyone should leave comments congratulating IzeofLight: she's functionally engaged as of this week.

Apparently all of the Pussycat Doll's singing is done by one woman (the 3rd ugliest one), so the others are all there solely for window dressing. You'd think they could have done a better job than that if they were going only for looks. I've seen more attractive lineups in the "male line" at bars named things like "cattyshack."

Boozer just had pretty much the greatest inside drive I've ever seen...you know if the goal was to throw the ball 5 feet straight in the air without hitting the rim.

Mehmet Okur tries to sink a flying reverse lay-up. Someone needs to take away his Jordan highlight tape.

I think I'd pay roughly $250 to see Tim Duncan wear a headband and play on the Warriors. He'd be launching 4 threes a game by his second week.

The announcers are going on and on about Oberto's ability to move without the ball. Apparently he had the same surgery that John Starks did.

I love the 45 second long discussion of how well AK can block shots "after the foul." Somehow the words "doesn't count in the box score were never used either."

Mehmet Okur just took (and made) a 35 foot shot. I'm willing to bet Sloan yanks him in the next two minutes for not working the ball inside.

Gregg Poppovich calls time-out. Interestingly the madder he gets the deeper the craters in his face seem to appear. Sort of like he's got some sort of anger suction cups on his face.

Oooooh, they just showed the transformers movie trailer. Unfortunately this can't top the last one which featured the voices of Leonard Nimoy and Orson Welles as Unicron. Yes, Orson Welles was in a Transformers movie. Look it up!

Tim Duncan and Tony Parker just gave interviews talking about how much they appreciate each other. It's a good thing they interviewed them separately or they may have started showing each other the angry inch. I'm pretty sure Parker was putting on lipstick by the end of that interview.

Apparently referee Bennett Salvatore owns a steak house in Connecticut. Being that he's an NBA referee he's probably absolutely convinced that it's actually in Vermont and issued a technical to the guy who printed the address on the menus.

Is anyne else excited about the prospect of Stephen A. Smith yelling at halftime? Where does "an argument between Stephen A. Smith and Dick Vitale" rate on ESPN's decibel meter?

Madame Kicky isn't with me tonight because she decided to take a nap after spending all day researching a law suit where there is no plaintiff. Imagine how tired she'll be when there are actually two sides to a case.

Apparently the best advertiser ESPN could find for this game was the NCAA Men's lacrosse championship. I'm sure they paid for that ad in cash they found between their couch cushions.

Does anyone else think it looks like Tony Parker uses Ron Popeil's spray-on hair?

Michelle Tafoya just referred to Carlos Boozer as the "Jazz' Shaq" and wasn't ironically talking about his injury history. I'm sort of disappointed.

Matt Harpring just did an incredible manuever that can only be described as an "off the ball" crossover. I'm not certain what he thought that "shake and bake" move was going to do to his defender when he didn't have the ball. I can only guess he actually suffered a minor seizure.

The announcers are spending a lot of time talking about Jacque Vaughn's previous years with the Jazz. I have no idea why this is relevant. Did anyone currently on the Jazz every actually play with Jacque Vaughn? As far as I can tell the only reason he's still in the league is because his name sounds vaugely french and Chad Ford put him high on his draft board thinking he was a hot euro prospect.

Over to Ize for the second quarter. Have fun with our estrogen infusion for the second quarter.