Saturday, May 5, 2007

Live Blog Game 7 Quarter 1: Prelude to cleaning out our lockers

First a housekeeping issue: Apparently some have taken issue with my female counterpart being given the moniker "Madame Kicky" on the basis that it is too salacious. The former-Madame Kicky herself suggested "Mistress Kicky." While this was my personal favorite (for obvious reasons) it doesn't solve the salaciousness problem (also for obvious reasons). While some of our older readers have suggested "Dame Kicky," the ex-Madame Kicky doesn't like that name because it makes her sound old, fat, and like a dragon lady. A compromise has been reached with Lady Kicky. She's taken to the name by dressing like she's going to a rennaisance fair today. This only makes me wish we had chosen Mistress Kicky more.

They just showed an NBA Cares commercial featuring Bruce Bowen in some sort of African ceremony hopping around with a Zebra skin on. I think I'd rather watch a reality show where NBA players had to live with African Tribes for a week than watch the game. Can you imagine Gilbert Arenas living in back-water Mozambique? I think he'd probably end up figuring out how to kill wildebeests with his head by the end of the week and give post-show press conferences about how the wild disrespected him. Also, he could tell the natives about colon cleanser. The infomercials make it sound so good.

Barkley gives the classic analysis that Utah may attempt to guard McGrady in this game. Sloan vehemently disagrees and starts Derek Fisher.

During the player introductions, Boozer popped his jersey, pointed at his number, and gave the biggest shit-eating grin I've ever seen. I'm vaguely stunned he doesn't have hundreds of illegitimate children in the Salt Lake City area.

The refs have already started calling 3-seconds against the Jazz. We'll see if it gets called the same way for Yao.

Light Blue uniforms do not bode well. We look like pretty flowers ready to get stomped on by gigantic mongoloid looking centers with giant heads.

Apparently it was Boozer's idea to change uniforms. I'm shocked they're not on the floor in uniforms spotted with tons of red blots.

Capt. Sig going nuts as the Rocket's PA guy plays Gwen Stefani and Akon on the rocket's offensive possession.

Lady Kicky hypothesizing that AK looks like a preying mantis. Claims that's a complement because "Manti aren't as creepy as other bugs."

McGrady goes for the fadeaway shot on Fisher. Apparently concerned he's going to block his shot despite the height difference.

Southwest airlines commercials stunningly fail to mention lack of seating policies lead to sitting between stiflingly fat people on a regular basis.

Sager rocking the lavender shirt with lavender and black tie and vertical stripe suit. I'm disappointed in his relative good taste this time out.

Yao linking arms with Okur on the offensive end. Apparently confused and thinks he's at a square dance.

With Okur all dressed in blue he vaguely reminds me of Snorlax. And I know I just lost everyone over 25 with that one.

I think Yao just got outwrestled by Fisher for a basketball. Yao's wrestling consisted of making a fort over Fisher while Fisher flailed his legs. Highly entertaining.

Harpring just checked in for AK. I think you all know this website's feelings on that subject.

Number of ads I've seen for the Closer in the last 2 weeks: 1,543,538

Number of episodes I've seen of the Closer: 0

About 4 players and a ref just fell on the floor scrambling for a ball. Glad to see the Commish's agents getting more involved.

Close-up on Jerry Sloan. I think I just learned new curse words.

McGrady called for travelling. Reacts like someone shot his mom. Apparently he's unaware they changed the rules so you can't take 4 steps at a time anymore.

Apparently the referee symbol for hooking is to stick out your hip and pat yourself on the ass. Glad to see the referee symbol guide was authored by the Saturday Night Fever choreographing crew.

Giricek hits a 3 and then stuffs McGrady at the other end to prevent him from taking the final shot of the period. I sure feel great about starting Derek Fisher now.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I still like Dame Kicky.

-older poster