Quarter 2: Done while seeking relationship counseling

Lady Kicky only starting watching basketball two weeks ago. We're currently going over the concept of a "point guard."

Capt Sig pointing out that AK is on pace for 36 points/16 boards/16 assists/8 blocks. This will of course lead to long message board debates about who the better point guard is: Baron Davis or Andrei Kirilenko.

I bought a sandwich 20 minutes ago and haven't touched it yet. Lady Kicky's taking over for a bit. Have fun.

It's me now. I really don't know anything about basketball. It's not a pose. I was homeschooled by people who were scornful of things involving "throwing" and "scoring".

They threw the ball really high and Sir Kicky went "oof!". Hurrah!

Great steal (so says The Sir): the pickpocket steal. Apparently.

"Millsap doing his best Carlos Boozer impersonation"--the announcer made me laugh. Clearly Millsap isn't a method actor, because his face remained clear throughout said "impersonation."

The counselor advised Sir Kicky to buy me more flowers. And, more importantly, to stop encouraging the guy in the Verizon commercials to derisively smirk "Hola!" to his wife in the taco costume. It creates suspicion between us as I wonder how deep his heartlessness really is. Oh, who am I kidding, heartlessness is an aphrodisiac.

The Sir: "Lamisil-sponsored performer of the night? I don't know if I would want that honor! Doesn't that make you the most infectious performer in the league?"

I do pull for Harpring over Jackson (they just tangled on court). Actually, I guess it's more true to say I don't take sides, I just giggle uncontrollably at the contrast between them.

Jackson licked his lips! He flashed his eyes at the camera! He's wearing a red headband! It's all comedy gold.

"The shoving foul"; apparently the referees are taking cues from me and making jargon up to fit in with all the cool kids, because The Sir says it ain't a real call.

Sloan belies the charming, suave, The Bachelor nature of his pink tie and a big ugly vein pops out on his forehead while he yells at the ref. Heh.

I don't know who that guy in the white jersey is and I thought I knew all the players. He has a cool last name though. Brewer. Very much in my line, I love alcohol references the way a fat kid loves cake.

Brewer then ran by and I still couldn't identify him. The Sir thinks he's good, so, you know, I probably will too. It's not that I TRY to fulfill Pygmalion's cliches, but The Sir is my only link to the sports world and he talks pretty emphatically as well.

The Sir is ready to reassume his post. It's possible there will be more actual basketball reporting now. Till later, folks, I'm Madam Kicky.

Lady Kicky realized how hard it is to both pay attention and live-blog. She’s thrilled that she just noticed we’re ahead though.

Lady Kicky is comparing Jerry Sloan’s vein in his forehead to “Julia Robert’s co-star in Erin Brokovich.” I had no idea Julia Roberts had a gigantic forehead vein. I was always concentrating on some other….features…of her anatomy.

Mehmet Okur just attempted to grab a high pass by swiping at the ball and missing wildly. Very cat-like of him.

Moses commits a foul, falls over, fails to lead his people out of Egypt.

Lady Kicky is convinced that anytime a player talks to a ref, they are brown-nosing. Rasheed Wallace disagrees.

This game features more people lying on the floor than Emory's rest and relaxation class (still worth one Physical Education credit!)

Lady Kicky is now giggling at Al Harrington, only because his Orange sweatband vaguely reminds her of Stephen Jackson. I'm convinced she would prefer watching a reality show based on following Stephen Jackson around than watching the game.

Lady Kicky points out that light blue is a soothing color. How hospitable that we're making the Warriors feel comfortable while they shoot free throws.

Early chat room chatter indicates that Lady Kicky is now more popular than I am, especially with our female readership. "Let it be duly noted: I threw down the metaphorical gauntlet when I demanded to take advantage of the liveblog post. My opponent, though worthy, is embroiled in several scandals involving mockery of the autistic, Katrina victims, and tsunami survivors. The people have spoken and the sidekick WILL supplant the superhero. Thank you all, and please contribute to my Help the poor (Whiskey-Deprived) fund."

As an explanatory note, she's not actually whiskey-deprived. You should smell her right now. WHOOO!

While Lady Kicky was typing, they had a close-up of one lone guy in a "we believe" shirt at the ESA. It's a virtual lock this guy is going to have missionaries on his doorstep next week.

Lady Kicky is referring to Matt Barnes' spin-move as the "Broadway Shuffle." I feel like you should know these things.

Lady Kicky is also asserting AK has "hands like shovels." I don't know what that means but she's attempting to explain it by making swimming hand motions and "scooping sound effects."

Moses jawing with the ref. Expert lip-readers translate it as "Let my people go!"

Don Nelson now inserting himself into the discussion with the ref. If Baron Davis is Moses then I guess Don Nelson is God. I'm really hoping this means that Stephen Jackson is the holy ghost here to kill the first born sons of everyone in Salt Lake City.

Lady Kicky: "If Don Nelson was an actor he'd always play the whiskey-soaked priest."

End of the first half and the relationship counselor has informed us our time is up. SJF will be taking over for the third quarter. Brace yourself for anger.