Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Quarter 1: In which the Jazz don Kevlar in anticipation of violence

Madame Kicky and I seriously considered live-blogging the series finale of Gilmore Girls. For those of you that watched it we spent most of the episode wondering if the final plot twist was going to be that Logan was Barak Obama all along. I also spent a good amount of time strenuously arguing that the perfect nihilistic ending to the series would be for the girl that everyone has sunk hundreds of thousands of dollars into (Rory) to suffer a fatal car accident out of nowhere. Madame Kicky just thought it wasn't funny anymore. I think we were both right.

How many seasons until we have Criss Angel "hovering" above rims and it is supposed to somehow inspire us to watch NBA games? I swear, ever since the season that Rob Thomas sung that heartbreak song every 20 seconds during the finals the commercials for the NBA have been getting progressively worse.

Does anyone else think that David Blaine stole Stephen Wright's voice?

Robert Horry was suspended today. Has anyone figured out exactly why what he did was worse than the Baron Davis and Jason Richardson hits? Oh wait, no one pays money to watch Robert Horry.

Charles Barkley made a legitimate basketball point in pre-game. That fills his quota for the week. He'll be back to Krispy Kreme jokes in no time.

They just showed some lady on television holding a sign about Charles Barkley with a scary fixed grin. I'm convinced she might have had tetanus.

Madame Kicky is excited that the Warriors have brought back the orange headbads for tonight.

I've always loved that the referees have numbers on their backs. Why don't they ever have jersey retirement ceremony's for the refs? Shouldn't Dick Bavetta's number retirement ceremony be sponsored by Michael Jordan out of appreciation?

Madame Kicky is claiming her "inner eye" tells her the Jazz will lose tonight. Little does she know that her inner eye has retinal blastoma.

How many hours do you think Stephen Jackson spent in detention in high school? I'm guessing it was his only "class." I have visions of him being the detention veteran like the rebel kid from the Breakfast Club. Although I cringe when I think about Jackson kissing Molly Ringwald.

Kirilenko goes in for a dunk. Jason Richardson somehow restrains himself.

Madame Kicky complaining she always gets Molly Ringwald and Molly Shannon mixed up. Mary Katherine Gallagher in Pretty in Pink would have been interesting. Not to mention Sweet Sixteen.

Madame Kicky is convinced that Stephen Jackson has a "shady side" and a "non shady side" and how funny he is depends upon which part of his face if nearer the camera.

Madame Kicky REALLY wants Okur to wear an orange headband.

I'm so glad that advertisers have decided that ugly, hairy, topless men are funny. I blame Will Ferrell for this.

I think this is an opportune time to tell everyone that Starbucks started selling Orange Mocha Frappuccinos today. You know, in case you're a Warriors fan and feel like getting in a gasoline fight after the game.

Deron Williams has 2 fouls in the first quarter. This has never happened before!

Madame Kicky firmly believes that Baron Davis will never win a championship because "Moses was left out in the wilderness for 40 years for losing his temper."

I'm firmly convinced Rafael Arujao's warmups are now bonded to his skin.

Doug Collins just said that the Warriors "layed in a deuce." That's just unsanitary.

I really wonder when the Closer's season premiere is. If only there was a commercial to give me this kind of information.

I just saw a replay of a Utah turnover where the ball was passed to AK and I'm convinced he must have been momentarily intangible. Suddenly the ball was behind him and in the Warrior's hands. Maybe AK secretly died over the summer and the team has been secretly haunted by his ghost all season. We really need to get Scooby Doo on this one.

Stephen Jackson misses a wide open shot. Doug Collins credits it to Harpring's defense.

Stephen Jackson misses another 3. Doug Collins comments it was a good possession because now the Warriors can go "2 for 1." Of course the Jazz scored and Golden State failed to score on either possession. Is it any wonder why Doug Collins is broadcasting today and not coaching anymore?

Turning it over to SJF for the second quarter. Tater would blog, but he's too busy watching G4.

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