Quarter 3: Prelude to a loss

Newsflash: Derek Fisher could lose a leg and only be 5% less effective as an NBA player.

ABC may have blown their load in the first two quarters. They already talked about Eva Longoria and showed the "Harpring has a football family" graphic in the first half. They may have to resort to stupid pet tricks in a sidebar by the 4th quarter.

My mother doesn't watch basketball...ever. I tried to explain to her why this website is called harpringsucks.com by explaining to her "Well, Matt Harpring is this player who to the casual fan looks really good, but in reality he's pretty damaging to the team. For some reason he's a fan favorite..." As soon as the words "fan favorite" left my mouth she immediately asked "Is he white?" Remember, she doesn't watch basketball.

Lisa Salters is telling us about Utah's much talked about "deflections statistic." I've never been quite sure why this is some unique thing about Utah's coaching staff. Maybe it's the only thing Tyrone Corbin can pay attention to or something.

For all the talk about how much better the Jazz defense has been in this game the Spurs are still shooting 49%. Then again, I guess half a genocide is better than a full one.

Is anyone else stunned that no one has brought a whistle into the stadium when sitting courtside before? If I was that rich I'm sure I'd make the action freeze once just to screw with the Spurs.

Williams draws the foul as Parker stumbles backward into the ref. The ref puts an arm around his waist lovingly to catch him, sniffs his musk, and pretends to be Eva Longoria.

The game is tied and the crowd goes wild. How low our standards are.

Mark Jackson notes "Derek Fisher is too small to guard Tim Duncan." His remedy? "Another guard should have been there to help Fisher." Mark Jackson's transparent attempt to parlay this ABC thing into a coaching gig goes down in flames.

Deron Williams decided to start playing hard in the 3rd quarter this time. Good for him.

Madame Kicky isnt' watching the game with me tonight. She decided to drive to Kentucky to see Damien Rice with one of her girlfriends instead. Deciding to go see Damien Rice with a girl instead of watching a sport she doesn't care about with me? She must be turning into a lesbian.

Fisher takes a three. He missed, but it was a clutch miss.

I think the theme song for 90% of these commercials gets me more pumped for basketball than the Pussycat Dolls.

As predicted, ABC really scraping for graphics to show us. They have resorted to Google Earth images of the Carlos Boozer vacation tour.

Okur, not content to stand around on defense most of the season is now standing around on offense as well. I'm getting fatter just watching him.

Fabricio Oberto sprained his right thumb "playing basketball." I'm sure his mom believes that one.

Derek Fisher is now 1-3 in the game. That actually increases his field goal percentage for the series to 15.7%. But that's a clutch 15.7%.

Of course, right after I write that he hits a 3 pointer. That accounted for 25% of his made shots in this series.

Bruce Bowen mugs a point guard, only disappointed because he didn't start a near riot like Robert Horry.

Fisher raises his hands in the air, Manu Ginobalding runs past him, and of course Fisher gets called for a foul. I'm not really sure what happened but somewhere right now Violet Palmer agrees with that call.

Jarron Collins attempted to rebound a miss with his face. I wonder if Corbin marked that down as a deflection.

I wonder what would happen if Robert Horry and Derek Fisher faced each other in the finals of a staring contest. There might be an overdose of clutch.

I think the Jazz just had a play where they managed to commit 3 turnovers at once but somehow never lost the ball.

I think Ronnie Brewer is just placing a cardboard cutout of himself near the bench at this point.

Utah is up by 8 and Poppovich still hasn't called a time-out. How Sloan-esque.

I just figured out why the Jazz are winning: Matt Harpring hasn't played a single minute of this quarter.

Ginobili must have a sex tape somewhere starring every ref in the league. It's the only possible explanation.

Someone really green-lit a sequel to Bruce Almighty? Really? Were people really demanding this? What's next, Ishtar 2?

I really wish Vegas would let us bet on how many zits Boozer will have on his forehead in each game.

Ginobili's beard is absurdly patchy. Maybe his face is balding too.

I think Gordan Giricek just did the same roll that Jordi LaForge used to do every time the Enterprise was on fire.

You know who would really increase Utah's chances in this playoff series? Kris Humphries.

Turning it over to tater and some other bum to do an alternating blog for the 4th quarter.