17 < 8

In defense of the now-infamous Fisher-for-AK IJSPD, one fan suggested that the move was "obvious", and that those who disagree are basketball ignoramuses. The reasoning? Fisher had scored 17 points in the game, while Andrei had only scored 8.

This was quite eye-opening for me. Never before had I understood that having more of something implies -- nay, defines -- a direct positive correlation with the ability to acquire or proficiency in achieving said something. My life was about to change.

I walked upstairs past my wife, who was talking on the phone. After a couple of seconds, I perceived that she was chatting with her sister, who is due to have her second baby in about a month. I simultaneously felt sorry for my brother-in-law, who has only been able to produce two babies, and felt a sense of accomplishment for myself, father of three. I stood a little taller, my self-esteem buoyed by my blatantly superior manliness.

I moved to the kitchen and threw a Hot Pocket in the microwave. Inspired by Fisher's numerical greatness, I opted to cook it for five minutes instead of the recommended two.


As I was driving to the store, on my way to pick up more paper towels to clean up the microwave, I was passed by a guy going 65 on State Street in his Geo. Instantly I felt like a fool. Sure, my car was capable of achieving such speeds, perhaps even with greater efficiency, but the fact of the matter was that the Geo was going faster. Horrified by my purchasing decision-making, I made a mental note to look into trade-in values for my current vehicle. Putting a Geo in the family line-up was the obvious move.

After blasting recklessly through traffic in my new Metro, and charging into work this morning, I overheard the secretaries bragging about how many words per minute they can type. Somewhat dismayed at my own deficiencies in that area, I set out to improve. I found an online typing test which clocked me right around 65 WPM. However, I discovered that errors are not accounted for in this particular test, and if I simply slammed keys as quickly as I could, that I could attain a much more impressive score. Eager to show off my new 328 WPM skillz, I built up the courage (not all that hard to do with my 3-kid-producing manhood) to e-mail my boss for a raise.

Dear boss,

I have been wiht ht r tarh oaiu hrguisa dhfuilgsdf guisl dhfg sludhf guisd fug shuldif ghsuildf hgsulidfgsldf guhsdfl 3 years now ahsndfjo ghdufio sodf gios; dfigo;s difo;g uaior ewrhaug ehruilggheruger raise gsdfjg shduf ghsudf hul hul$$$?

- bordelais7

I'll let you know how it goes.

Frickin' Fisher.